Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
