Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
