he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
