I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize