My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
