I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
