im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
