Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
