Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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