A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
