Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
