Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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