Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
