Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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