all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
