I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
