Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
