That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
