I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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