Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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