That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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