he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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