wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
