Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
