His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Less talking, more tequila
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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