Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
