I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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