sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
