before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ketchup is God's man juice
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
