her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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