i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
