im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
