I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please, let me fuck your mom
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
