So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
