yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
