just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
