She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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