I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
