Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
