I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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