My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
