Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

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(469): View more from Texas

I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.

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(253): View more from Washington

Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

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(646): View more from New York

just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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(239): View more from Florida

im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn

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