You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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