I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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