I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
