he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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