sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
