i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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