When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
