i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
