Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
