Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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