I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
