The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
