I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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