i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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