Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina is officially offended.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
