Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He shit in the fireplace
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
