Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
