You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
