shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
