apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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