Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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