apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize