Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
