my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
