I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
