So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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