i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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