Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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