If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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