So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
