We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
