We're facebook friends in real life
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
