Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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