i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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