Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
