how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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