Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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