$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
