YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
