my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
