I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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