He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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