This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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