chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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