they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
